2008!!!

So, it’s 2008 but it still feels pretty much the same as 2007, which is why until it begins to feel any different 2008 will just become an elongated December 2007; for example, today is Wednesday December 54, 2007. This attitude is due in large part to the fact that 2007 was pretty lackluster, and by lackluster I mean downright forgettable. 2007 was so shitty and uneventful that it will sadly go down as the year that pseudo-celebrities ruled all media, or the year that Disney domed America by turning every male gay, thanks in large part to the mind-controlling power of High School Musical. Say good-bye to American bad-asses like Dirty Harry and Rambo, and Hello to make-up wearing ambiguously gay Zach Efron. What ever happened to martial arts? I remember when I was a kid there were movies like "Karate Kid 1-3," "3 Ninjas," “Surf Ninjas” and "Side Kicks." Those movies were the bomb, and according to these movies: Karate was the only way to beat the shit out of whatever is ailing you, i.e., bullies, bad guys, and William Zabka. But I Digress. 2007 will also be remembered as the year that environment (one of the world’s most pressing and important issues) became cute and fashionable. Don't get me wrong, I care about saving the world and shit like that, but this is no longer a cause, it's a trend. As soon as I saw one of those giggling, retarded cunts on "The Girls Next Door" diving a Toyota Prius, I was pretty sure that the environment had become the new AIDS. Put Magic Johnson in a Prius and it's game over.

The Worst of 2007

This list was compiled according to the hype or critical acclaim that was built up for things that, in my opinion, were not worthy of a second listen or viewing; on second thought, writing on this crap is an enormous waste of time, but I don’t have anything else to do.

The Worst Albums:



Kanye West
Graduation

I think every white music writer person thinks Kanye West is the only rapper in America, or at least the only worthy of acclaim. This album was sooo sub-par, especially by Kanye West's standards. When your albums two best songs are released on mix-tapes months before its release, it's difficult for me to find anything worth liking on this record. Featuring T-Pain, Chris Martin and John Mayer... I think that says it all.





LCD Soundsystem
The Sound of Silver

Easily the most overrated album of 2007, and it couldn't be any less deserving.







Jens Lekman
Night Falls Over Kortedala

Think of music from the 50's, you know shit about holding hands with your sweetheart at the sock-hop. Now remove the voice of the singer and replace it with the most uninteresting voice you have ever heard and you'll have Jens Lekman. BORING!






Of Montreal
Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?

This may be a bit biased, but I would hate anything Of Montreal released because they are(with the exception of Ween) the most annoying band in the world. With that said, from a neutral standpoint, this album is shit.





M.I.A.
Kala

Okay, I get it, and yes it's just as absurd to me that a British Indian girl would become a rapper, but that doesn't mean I want to hear her music. Now that I have heard the music I can safely say that this is some of the most awful shit that I have ever heard and the worst release of 2007. Please, British rappers, I am pleading with you: Stop making music! I admit that even though rock & roll was started in America, the British perfected it; However, this is not the case with rap. No more Dizzee Rascal, The Streets, Lady Sovereign or M.I.A.


The Worst Movies:


The Simpsons Movie

This was perhaps the biggest let down of 2007 because I have been looking forward to a Simpsons movie since I was a in the first grade. Not only was this movie not funny, it provided no continuity to the years of character development that the television show has provided; it was almost as if the creators of the movie were completely retarded and wanted to make a movie for an audience that has never seen The Simpsons in its life. With all the time and money that was spent on making this movie look overly animated someone could have hired a writer to throw in a few Milhouse jokes here and there.




Transformers

As a kid I would have shit my pants in anticipation for this movie to come out, but that's the whole problem with the movie, it came out about 16 years too late. In many ways Transformers the movie played out like the events leading up to it's release; I went from excited to uninterested.







I’m Not There

If this movie didn't have the music of Bob Dylan it might have become the worst movie that I have ever seen. Maybe I didn't get it, but did anybody?







The Best of 2007

Despite all the celebrity gossip, shitty music, crappy movies and the never ending bad news, the worlds cultural asshole managed to squeeze out a few nuggets of hope that 2008 will be a better year.

The Best Albums:


The National
Boxer

I've heard this band compared to Bruce Springsteen a couple of times and I think that's a fair assesmnet, considering they're both fucking awesome. If you don't like this album it's probably because you're not American, or you're a huge pussy--a typical personality trait of most non-Americans.




Panda Bear
Person Pitch

It's impossible to listen to Panda Bear and not think of the Beach Boy, but this album sounds like the music Brian Wilson would have recorded if he made music while he was locked in his room eating McDonalds and doing LSD.






Radiohead
In Rainbows

Not their greatest effort to date, but solid nontheless. Honestly, I'd rather listen to Thom Yorke tune his guitar than have to listen to one more electro-pop-gay-dance group/DJ.




Animal Collective
Strawberry Jam

I thought it was going to be tough to suitably follow up Feels, but on Strawberry Jam Animal Collective pick up right where they left off. Everytime I listen to this record I wish I had drugs.







Arcade Fire
Neon Bible

The sophmore slump is something that plagues almost every creative outlet, and whether it's movies, music, literature, the result is usually forgetable. When Arcade Fire entered the studio to record their follow up Funeral they had to be thinking one of two things: 1. Let's try as hard as we can to avoid making a record that will be catagorized as a sophmore slump, or 2. Fuck sophmore slump, let's just make good music.





A.A. Bondy
American Hearts

Before listening to this album I had never heard of A.A. Bondy, which is probably because not too many people have; but if you're into Ryan Adams, but you feel he's an ego-maniac and enormous douche, check this album out.






Elliott Smith
New Moon

It's a sad statement about the abilities of modern singer/songwriters when a collection of a dead guy's throwaways is the best penned album of the year.






A Place To Bury Strangers
A Place To Bury Strangers

Generally speaking, I'm not really too hyped on the shoegaze genre, but in their debut self-titled release A Place to Bury Strangers channels the likes of Sonic Youth and My Bloody Valentine, and makes an album that has made me rethink my opinion of this sub-genre.




Modest Mouse
We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank

It has been said that The Smiths were Morrissey, Johnny Marr and two other guys, which is somewhat true. I've always thought that Marr was one of the most creative and original guitarists I have ever heard. Well, now he's playing guitar along side another guy that I think is one of the most creative and original musicians, in Isaac Brock. Although this isn't Modest Mouse's best offering to date, it does show that Modest Mouse has been able to retain its familiar sound while creating more complex arrangements.



Spoon
Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

This album has been called a grower by many, including myself, so if that's true, once it grows on you it's one of those albums that you can't stop listening to.






The Best Movies:


No Country For Old Men

A lot times when books are turned in to movies much is lost in translation, but No Country for Old Men captures every bit of the grit and lack of emotion that the book contains, while offering one of the creepiest and memorable on screen villains I have ever seen.






The Bourne Ultimatum

When I was a kid I loved Steven Segal movies. Hard to Kill, Under Siege, Above the Law, whatever, to a ten-year-old kid Segal was the biggest bad-ass mother-fucker I had ever seen. Since then my tastes have changed, and when as a kid I'd be watching Jet Li movies, today I'm watching Wes Anderson movies; that is until the Bourne Franchise began. After seeing all three of these movies I got the sudden urge to beat the shit out of everyone around me, which is the way every movie should make you feel.







Control

Being a fan of Joy Division I was looking forward to this movie, but because of past Bio-film blunders I was a bit weary of how the life of Ian Curtis would be turned in to a movie. However, after seeing this film all my worries were put to rest. Control is a minimal and bleak film that seems to take very little artistic liberty in portraying the enigmatic Ian Curtis and the often misreported events surrounding his death.





Superbad

If this movie came out when I was in high school I would own it on dvd, watch it religiously, and constantly quote it. Easily one of 10 the funniest movies made in the past 5 years, and with Michael Cera, period blood, and characters like McLovin it's easy to see why.







Knocked Up

Two words: Paul Rudd.