Unreal

Jason Lee 'Tincan Folklore' to Scientology..too bad.

LAKOSTON.

Meal "The Shoe Designer" Stewmaker is usually the one up on this sort of stuff, but between Lakai re-issuing the first Koston...
And finding this gem on the internet...
I felt it was worth me taking the time to share with you'll.

Step Aside Obama, There's a New Black Candidate in Town

Who says politicians are out-of-touch, rich, white guys because clearly Mitt Romney has been tuning in to BET; however, his television set must have a 7 year tape delay.

iPhone

I don't know about the rest of you, but those mac and pc commercials are getting a little stale and it might be time to go in a different direction. Enter David Lynch.

RAMBOLONEY! GORY SEQUEL IS BETTER LEFT STALLONE!

Apparently the new Rambo movie is the most violent thing ever! I've heard he rips out peoples kidneys and shit!

I'm so glad I wasted 2.5 hours watching There Will be Blood, which basically just made me feel like I wasn't smart enough to understand Paul Thomas Anderson's "terrifying prophecy about the coming American century," when I could have sat back and watched my boy John rip the Kidneys out of 83 uppity Bootlongs.

Coachella 2008

Alright, it's that time of the year again; no, not the Super Bowl, or the return of Lost; it's the time of the year that the much anticipated (by techno loving losers) Coachella line-up is released. After reviewing it I have to say that this is the by far the worst line-up Coachella has ever hosted. Jack Johnson? is this a joke? And what's with that Roger Waters bull-shit? What's next year's plan, Ringo Starr plays Sgt. Pepper? However, it should be noted that in my concert going lifetime Coachella is by far the most miserable experience I've ever had to suffer through, and that includes a Blink 182, Green Day, and Jimmy Eat World Show. 100+ degree temperatures, $3 water, 5 hour drive, the worst parking situation I have ever seen, are you getting the point yet? Honestly, I wouldn't go to Coachella for anything less than a Smiths reunion, and even then I would just go for one day.

Job Opening

TV news anchor bloopers are usually pretty run-of-the-mill and not too amusing, but this is some Ron Burgundy shit.

2008!!!

So, it’s 2008 but it still feels pretty much the same as 2007, which is why until it begins to feel any different 2008 will just become an elongated December 2007; for example, today is Wednesday December 54, 2007. This attitude is due in large part to the fact that 2007 was pretty lackluster, and by lackluster I mean downright forgettable. 2007 was so shitty and uneventful that it will sadly go down as the year that pseudo-celebrities ruled all media, or the year that Disney domed America by turning every male gay, thanks in large part to the mind-controlling power of High School Musical. Say good-bye to American bad-asses like Dirty Harry and Rambo, and Hello to make-up wearing ambiguously gay Zach Efron. What ever happened to martial arts? I remember when I was a kid there were movies like "Karate Kid 1-3," "3 Ninjas," “Surf Ninjas” and "Side Kicks." Those movies were the bomb, and according to these movies: Karate was the only way to beat the shit out of whatever is ailing you, i.e., bullies, bad guys, and William Zabka. But I Digress. 2007 will also be remembered as the year that environment (one of the world’s most pressing and important issues) became cute and fashionable. Don't get me wrong, I care about saving the world and shit like that, but this is no longer a cause, it's a trend. As soon as I saw one of those giggling, retarded cunts on "The Girls Next Door" diving a Toyota Prius, I was pretty sure that the environment had become the new AIDS. Put Magic Johnson in a Prius and it's game over.

The Worst of 2007

This list was compiled according to the hype or critical acclaim that was built up for things that, in my opinion, were not worthy of a second listen or viewing; on second thought, writing on this crap is an enormous waste of time, but I don’t have anything else to do.

The Worst Albums:



Kanye West
Graduation

I think every white music writer person thinks Kanye West is the only rapper in America, or at least the only worthy of acclaim. This album was sooo sub-par, especially by Kanye West's standards. When your albums two best songs are released on mix-tapes months before its release, it's difficult for me to find anything worth liking on this record. Featuring T-Pain, Chris Martin and John Mayer... I think that says it all.





LCD Soundsystem
The Sound of Silver

Easily the most overrated album of 2007, and it couldn't be any less deserving.







Jens Lekman
Night Falls Over Kortedala

Think of music from the 50's, you know shit about holding hands with your sweetheart at the sock-hop. Now remove the voice of the singer and replace it with the most uninteresting voice you have ever heard and you'll have Jens Lekman. BORING!






Of Montreal
Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?

This may be a bit biased, but I would hate anything Of Montreal released because they are(with the exception of Ween) the most annoying band in the world. With that said, from a neutral standpoint, this album is shit.





M.I.A.
Kala

Okay, I get it, and yes it's just as absurd to me that a British Indian girl would become a rapper, but that doesn't mean I want to hear her music. Now that I have heard the music I can safely say that this is some of the most awful shit that I have ever heard and the worst release of 2007. Please, British rappers, I am pleading with you: Stop making music! I admit that even though rock & roll was started in America, the British perfected it; However, this is not the case with rap. No more Dizzee Rascal, The Streets, Lady Sovereign or M.I.A.


The Worst Movies:


The Simpsons Movie

This was perhaps the biggest let down of 2007 because I have been looking forward to a Simpsons movie since I was a in the first grade. Not only was this movie not funny, it provided no continuity to the years of character development that the television show has provided; it was almost as if the creators of the movie were completely retarded and wanted to make a movie for an audience that has never seen The Simpsons in its life. With all the time and money that was spent on making this movie look overly animated someone could have hired a writer to throw in a few Milhouse jokes here and there.




Transformers

As a kid I would have shit my pants in anticipation for this movie to come out, but that's the whole problem with the movie, it came out about 16 years too late. In many ways Transformers the movie played out like the events leading up to it's release; I went from excited to uninterested.







I’m Not There

If this movie didn't have the music of Bob Dylan it might have become the worst movie that I have ever seen. Maybe I didn't get it, but did anybody?







The Best of 2007

Despite all the celebrity gossip, shitty music, crappy movies and the never ending bad news, the worlds cultural asshole managed to squeeze out a few nuggets of hope that 2008 will be a better year.

The Best Albums:


The National
Boxer

I've heard this band compared to Bruce Springsteen a couple of times and I think that's a fair assesmnet, considering they're both fucking awesome. If you don't like this album it's probably because you're not American, or you're a huge pussy--a typical personality trait of most non-Americans.




Panda Bear
Person Pitch

It's impossible to listen to Panda Bear and not think of the Beach Boy, but this album sounds like the music Brian Wilson would have recorded if he made music while he was locked in his room eating McDonalds and doing LSD.






Radiohead
In Rainbows

Not their greatest effort to date, but solid nontheless. Honestly, I'd rather listen to Thom Yorke tune his guitar than have to listen to one more electro-pop-gay-dance group/DJ.




Animal Collective
Strawberry Jam

I thought it was going to be tough to suitably follow up Feels, but on Strawberry Jam Animal Collective pick up right where they left off. Everytime I listen to this record I wish I had drugs.







Arcade Fire
Neon Bible

The sophmore slump is something that plagues almost every creative outlet, and whether it's movies, music, literature, the result is usually forgetable. When Arcade Fire entered the studio to record their follow up Funeral they had to be thinking one of two things: 1. Let's try as hard as we can to avoid making a record that will be catagorized as a sophmore slump, or 2. Fuck sophmore slump, let's just make good music.





A.A. Bondy
American Hearts

Before listening to this album I had never heard of A.A. Bondy, which is probably because not too many people have; but if you're into Ryan Adams, but you feel he's an ego-maniac and enormous douche, check this album out.






Elliott Smith
New Moon

It's a sad statement about the abilities of modern singer/songwriters when a collection of a dead guy's throwaways is the best penned album of the year.






A Place To Bury Strangers
A Place To Bury Strangers

Generally speaking, I'm not really too hyped on the shoegaze genre, but in their debut self-titled release A Place to Bury Strangers channels the likes of Sonic Youth and My Bloody Valentine, and makes an album that has made me rethink my opinion of this sub-genre.




Modest Mouse
We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank

It has been said that The Smiths were Morrissey, Johnny Marr and two other guys, which is somewhat true. I've always thought that Marr was one of the most creative and original guitarists I have ever heard. Well, now he's playing guitar along side another guy that I think is one of the most creative and original musicians, in Isaac Brock. Although this isn't Modest Mouse's best offering to date, it does show that Modest Mouse has been able to retain its familiar sound while creating more complex arrangements.



Spoon
Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

This album has been called a grower by many, including myself, so if that's true, once it grows on you it's one of those albums that you can't stop listening to.






The Best Movies:


No Country For Old Men

A lot times when books are turned in to movies much is lost in translation, but No Country for Old Men captures every bit of the grit and lack of emotion that the book contains, while offering one of the creepiest and memorable on screen villains I have ever seen.






The Bourne Ultimatum

When I was a kid I loved Steven Segal movies. Hard to Kill, Under Siege, Above the Law, whatever, to a ten-year-old kid Segal was the biggest bad-ass mother-fucker I had ever seen. Since then my tastes have changed, and when as a kid I'd be watching Jet Li movies, today I'm watching Wes Anderson movies; that is until the Bourne Franchise began. After seeing all three of these movies I got the sudden urge to beat the shit out of everyone around me, which is the way every movie should make you feel.







Control

Being a fan of Joy Division I was looking forward to this movie, but because of past Bio-film blunders I was a bit weary of how the life of Ian Curtis would be turned in to a movie. However, after seeing this film all my worries were put to rest. Control is a minimal and bleak film that seems to take very little artistic liberty in portraying the enigmatic Ian Curtis and the often misreported events surrounding his death.





Superbad

If this movie came out when I was in high school I would own it on dvd, watch it religiously, and constantly quote it. Easily one of 10 the funniest movies made in the past 5 years, and with Michael Cera, period blood, and characters like McLovin it's easy to see why.







Knocked Up

Two words: Paul Rudd.

Indonesia.. Brazil..

http://www.rtvslo.si/mojvideo/alex/americans-are-not-stupid-with-subs/793/

Don't Be Scared. Hard Vid.. Six Organs of Admittance.

Seagal Channels "The Dude"

Hey Bob,

See what happens when you're good at video games...

See more of this total douche.

I'm sure you've seen the Fix-Push video making fun of those fags that ride fixed gear bikes, well its part of the Underskatement film festival and it will be showing all the films one night only in Tempe, AZ...

And Here's Fix-Push in case you missed it...

Ebay item of the week

Scope the deal this homo-erotic herb is pushing...

Justin sings the blues

Fixed-Gear Bikes: The New Gay?

Maybe you’ve seen them riding around town in packs like some gay version of the Hell’s Angels. Cut-off jean shorts, deep V’s, and the purse-like satchel bags, (what the fuck do they carry in those things anyway) these losers couldn’t intimidate a classroom full of special ed kids; as a matter of fact, just replace the bicycles with Volkswagen Beetles and you’ve got a roving gang of Clay Aiken fans.

Fixed-gear bike enthusiasts have managed to officially get on my nerves, not just because they’re enormous dorks, but because they're completely oblivious to the lameness of their newest obsession, and they think they’re cool.

Just recently a guy I know was showing me pictures of his new $5000 fixed-gear bike (the pictures were also on his iphone, but that’s a whole other story) and pointing out the stupid overpriced Japanese components—the whole scene reminded me a total puss and even less interesting version of Pimp My Ride. This obsession has seemingly become a counter culture version of import cars—the indie rockers’ answer to tricked out Hondas & Acuras, except these cars would have no brakes and only one gear. How awesome, right?

Now, this wouldn’t bother me so much if there were some sort of motive behind spending unending amounts of time and money on bikes, but there isn’t. So unless your goal is to repel girls while looking like a bunch of dudes on boner patrol, ditch the purse, make a choice between pants or shorts and get a fucking car.

Hang The DJ

“Hey DJ, how about playing something that doesn’t suck.” If you’ve ever found yourself saying or thinking this while you’re at a bar/club being forced to endure “Mr. Brightside” for the forth time, then you probably agree that “DJ’s” are coming up short.

First of all, why are there so many DJ’s? I always see these fliers for some bullshit dance night at the newest hipster hangout, and there are like 14 DJ’s on the bill. What the fuck? Is it really necessary to have 14 douche bags in vintage band t-shirts play the same Peaches song? And what is with the nicknames? You can call yourself whatever you want because it’s not going to change the fact that you’re a nerd with an ipod and a self-declared moniker. Most of these fucking idiots have no clue what good music is, which evident by the fact they play songs like Satisfaction and Smells Like Teen Spirit—how original, why not just play the 500 greatest songs of all time as determined by Rolling Stone. And it doesn’t really matter if you play vinyl or from your ipod, bad music is bad music regardless of the medium. I know the Killers are popular, but that doesn’t mean they don’t suck. If you’re just gonna play what’s popular, why are there more than 1 of you?

Nike Air Native

Alright, I know I can be a bit cynical at times, but what the fuck is this bullshit? According to a Nike press release, Nike has created a shoe specifically marketed toward Native Americans. I want to know how the research and development meeting went that led to the creation of a shoe made for Indians: "Uh, Indians are fat, so if we make a shoe for them, and not just any shoe but the most generic and cheap looking piece-of-shit-poor-kid-shoe, then maybe they'll get in shape. Right?" Wrong. Aren't all athletic shoes made for people who have made the choice to exercise, not to try to convince fat-asses to go out running? This is the equivalent of McDonald's "I'm Lovin' It" campaign and its hip urban commercials--which, by the way, are made specifically for Black and Hispanic people--but way more weird and subversive. Are these magic shoes? Do they have special powers that only Indians can feel the effects of? If Nike is in the business making shoes for specific groups of fat-ass losers then why not make a shoe for republicans, 40-year-old single women, and white-trash. If somebody really wants to help the Native American population why not give them their land back...or make Indian proof caps on alcohol.

Sled.

From a colleague's student. Shred Sledding.

From: ******@aol.com [mailto:******@aol.com]
Sent: Thursday, January 11, 2007 10:29 PM
To: **** *******
Subject: hey

Hey listen to this story my bf's sister and her bf took their son sledding in the same place they did the day before which was yesturday meaning wed even through it's 12 here anyway so her bf is going down the hill with their son and they ran into, a dead body really no joke, someone just left this poor woman in the most disgusting way hours before they were there, of course they gave details but it is just to nasty to say but thats a story you don't hear everyday, they called the cops and had to answer a million questions. I can't believe someone would just drop a body in the snow barely dressed, crazy world we live in.

What the Fuck?!

So awesome, the youth of today...

Awesome

Now I can stop scanning old mags, these dudes are doing a better job too...

Menace Tech

Failed ideas

The first of these failed ideas didn't make it past the pen stage, it was for the Phoenix AM skate contest, you can see the logo they went went with was much more simple and not as awesome (mainly because I didn't do most of it).  This one I thought had potential, but there's still time to switch it up for 08!

This one is by far the siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiickest, and was supposed to be a redesigned logo for hella hyphy energy drink company whose main marketing position is siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick action sports and even siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicker music.  Basically I took a suggested idea of a fist and added the 2 siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiickest compliments for it, siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick lightening bolts and siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicker lightening.  And in bright orange and yellow, the siiiiiiiiiiiiiiickest colors around, why didn't they think this was siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick?

And finally this graphic was too simple and vague to see the screen printer on anything, but thats why I like it, If you know who these guys are I think its obvious and vague at the same time, sort of you have to be in the know to know (does that sound retarded?) but I'd like to see if any readers (do we have any readers?) know these dudes?  So take your guesses in the comments and the first person to answer correct will win a prize, I swear.

 

And to Continent, I'll be working on those tees this week I swear it.  Sorry for the 2 month (?) wait.

Is this really easier?

Peep game on this auction, I know its only a penny more than the value, but stoops...